I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
420 ftw
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
