You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
