Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
