Tell her she can't have a vagina
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
