Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
