I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
