I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
