Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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