We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
