Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
