My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
