I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
