Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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