Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
