I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
