ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is my gift to your gina
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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