Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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