You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
