is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
