I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
