i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
