that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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