Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
