I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
