btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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