Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
