sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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