Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
