our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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