He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
