Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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