You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will pee on everything he values.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
