just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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