So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
