I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
