Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
