i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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