Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
