garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
