how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
