it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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