I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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