porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
