take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
