i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
birth control should be required to get into college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
