Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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