just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
