a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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