I hope mine doesn't look like that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
