she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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