I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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