We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
