Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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