i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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