The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
