where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
