Please, let me fuck your mom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
