we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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