Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
