Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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